The Thought Exists
I have a lot of big thoughts. Complex thinking kind of comes naturally for me, and I have a way of putting my thoughts into words that is definitely in its own ballpark. Sometimes I have a hard time sorting through my own mind, which is one of the reasons I write so much.
I find my ability to cope with things has gotten easier over the years, and my faith in God has only gotten stronger. I meditate a lot on God's complexity, on His infinity, and the vastness of His mind and His creation because such meditation is not only mind expanding in a lot of ways, but it also gives me a kind of "hope of hopes." The idea that existence was created by an unfathomably infinite, and unfathomably powerful being doesn't intimidate me like it does some people. Such thoughts are of a substantial level of comfort.
This concept that God created an existence just as infinite as He is, with countless forms, countless ideas, countless worlds, countless cultures, and countless realities is a very powerful and uplifting thought, and whether it exists outright as gospel truth doesn't matter that much to me, because the thought of such a thing exists regardless, and as the old saying goes; "it's the thought that counts."
If you can think of something, define its properties, components, structures and characteristics, then that concept or idea has some level of merit and some basis in reality, otherwise it wouldn't exist at all, even in thought.
These ideas and images that flow through my unquiet mind are rarely disturbing to me. My brain's healed substantially since the chaos and trauma of my younger years, and even with all the complexity and often unique and sometimes bizzare thoughts I have, I still can control my mind a lot better than I used to, mostly thanks to my meds, but especially thanks to my big, huge, deep faith and hope.
As I cope with my failures and the challenges of mental illness and the challenges of a world inching closer, seemingly, to its death throes, my faith in Jesus and my faith in the unfathomable massiveness of His creation with all those worlds and all those cultures and His limitless love, limitless grace, and limitless mercy helps me keep plugging away and keep fighting through the disappointments of this life.
My faith in Jesus helps me cope, also, with the many relationships I've destroyed and the people I've hurt while I was struggling with my disasters and bouts of sheer terror and madness. I know Jesus forgives me for it. I know that Jesus can heal the most broken of people and redeem the most broken of worlds. It's a knowledge for me, not just faith. Even if such concepts as infinite grace and infinite mercy are hard to grasp and comprehend for most people, the thought of such things exist nonetheless.
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