The Hope of Hopes

       Something I am slowly coming to terms with in my life is the fact that I wouldn't have the faith I have, the creativity I have, the strength I have, and the mind I have had I had a cookie cutter life. A more mainstream, baseline life would have deprived me of the necessary adversity and suffering that was needed to seed such a deep faith in the Lord. 

     Nor would my stimulus for creativity be there if I had the whole 10 year plan "marriage, kids, and suburb house" lifestyle. In my deprivation of normalcy, my faith in Christ was deeply seeded down into the foundations of my very being. I would have never known how much I needed Jesus if I was always getting invited to the cool kids parties and allowed to join the clubs and groups I wanted to join.

      I would have been oblivious to my bondage instead of painfully aware of it, and that painful awareness drove me right into the arms of my Infinite God.

     Aside from some occasional lapses in judgement and some residual personality and character shortcomings and flaws, I handle myself quite well these days. I hardly drink. I don't smoke. I'm not promiscuous. Jesus turned me into a relatively good man. Even with my occasional gripes about exclusion from certain circles I'm beyond grateful fo God that I am relatively on the straight and narrow.

     Plus it's hard to engage in debauchery and American depravity when no one invites you to their parties or lets you join their clubs.

       As far as my relationship with Jesus goes, He gives me the hope of hopes. He graced me with a big mind and powerful thoughts. I trust that in God's infinite Kingdom that there are plenty of worlds to live plenty of lives and have plenty of adventures on. Countless worlds and realms to do such things. Places to fall in love with someone special, have a castle or a cabin or a cottage to enjoy a life with, and countless possibilities to explore the cultures, festivals, traditions, history, and legends in a system with countless worlds.

       Even with such a big construct, other things, like infinite Liberty and infinite forms and degrees of intensity of love and glory also have a presence in my thoughts. The idea of absolute, divine liberty and endless days to experience it fills my thoughts and my spirit with that hope of hopes. A complete and utter immersion in a perfect relationship with God provides the foundation on which all of this can work.

 Such ideas, such thought, such faith, such hope, and such love would have never been planted in me, nurtured, developed, and expressed had I not suffered like I did. Had I had an easier life. Had I had a normal one. My deprivation of normalcy and the crushing of much of my dreams and aspirations and a sense of a loss of freedom and belonging might be the only reason I came to Christ. 

    In a sense my failures and suffering saved my eternity.

     I would have never thought about things like an "infinite existence," Jesus, or philosophy as deeply or as fervently as I do, nor would I have ever actually sat down and thought and pondered what Liberty really was and how to be as free as I can be had I not been deprived of some of my dreams and sense of purpose. 

    Had I not failed when I failed and suffered when I suffered and lost when I lost, I don't think I would have ever come to Jesus or had the hope of hopes that He gives, and that is a slightly difficult thing to come to terms with. I ended up winning by losing.