Falling in Love

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When I have a slow moment, I usually sit down and write a poem or some deep philosophy post if I'm feeling particularly inspired. Tonight, I want to be a little more down to earth in my writings and maybe a little more relatable. 


This post is about falling in love.


I have never been in love with someone. Truly in love.


I never got to spend hours talking on my phone to a cute girl or texting back and forth funny jokes or pictures. I never have been on a truly romantic date out at a restaurant or a coffee shop. No long walks in parks or in the woods with a girlfriend or wife or partner like a lot of guys got.


I never really got the typical relationship path.


The typical or "normal" is honestly not something on my resume, and I'm ok with that.


I was just born a little different. Wired a little different. My life has been anything but normal, and it made me different. Special in some ways. Cursed in others.


I've always wanted a better half. A special person I could do laundry with on a sunday afternoon. Someone I can go on long drives with to cool places and listen to each others music and argue over who has the better music taste. Someone who could help me keep track of my stuff and help me stay focused. Someone I could wrap my arms around at night and feel truly, honestly happy.


I've never had this. 


I know no one has the fairy tale love story, but I've seen some pretty awesome couples in my friend circles and in my life in general. Wonderful marriages, loving couples. I've always wanted something like that. I never saw it too much growing up. My parents split when I was a year old. 


In all honesty, being who I am and coming from the challenges I've come from, marriage, kids, all that stuff is very difficult to have happen. I hope that if I ever have children, none of them go through what I did.


Falling in love is difficult when I am so caught up in both the big picture, metaphysical, "infinity" stuff as well as barely able to afford to live anywhere comfortably. I'm also afraid of the baggage. My baggage. My failures. My flaws. My quirks. My shortcomings. My beautifully broken mind.


I know that a lot of people would have trouble taking someone as intense and complex like me on, but I know there is one person I can fall in love with that can handle me at my most broken and my most joyful. This person will love me without condition or restraint. He'll love me on my horrible days and my good days equally. He can handle my brokenness, my differentness, and my moments of madness. This man's name is Jesus.


If I can't fall in love with a earthly person, I am going to try my best to devote my life to Jesus. 

He will treat me far better than any human can, and there is nothing perverse or dark about Jesus' love. His love heals me. Cleanses me. He will never leave me or abandon me.


The most important thing is God's love is eternal and undying. I will be in love with Jesus forever.

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