Behind the Scenes

     Life can be very confusing and very uncertain. In trying to come to terms with an uncertain and complex existence, I have developed a few coping mechanisms, some healthy and some not so much.  

      I realized that much of the happenings of my world happen in places and situations that are cloaked from my sight. "Behind the scenes" so to speak. Even in my personal life, I don't see with my own eyes or hear with my own ears the activities and conversations that people who have a level of power over me have in their private times and concealed partakings.  

     Of course, thinking about this can lead to problems of paranoia and a state of suspicion about uncertain and cloaked happenings and things, but even so, many of the decisions made in the shadows and behind closed doors involving me and my circumstances do affect my life and can become stumbling blocks or hindrances to my progress. 

     Conversations and decisions behind the scenes do happen. They happen all the time, and sometimes I see some of the consequences and effects of those "behind the scenes" circumstances and happenings spill out into my awareness. But still, I don't see much of the more clandestine and shadowy shit anymore. I don't even see bullying or maltreatment nearly as much as I did when I was younger, but I know its there. 

      I also know I'm not invisible. Not by a long shot. I'm also fully aware that I can't do a damn thing about how people talk about me or how they view me in private. It's still true, and unfortunate, that many of those shadowy, hidden conversations and decisions still affect my life, especially when it comes to institutions in my community that have a level of power over me.

     It's not necessarily paranoia to acknowledge that some of the doors in your life and some of the paths you can go on and some of the opportunities that can be available and some of the circumstances you are in are governed by people and groups who you do not understand and guard and control those facets of your life. Many operate "behind the scenes" so to speak. There views, their perspectives, their intentions, and their resources are often hidden out of sight from you and many others.

      It's just being realistic to acknowledge the existence of clandestine and shadowy agencies and individuals. Paranoia comes in where you live in fear of them to the extent where your functionality is impeded.  I don't live like that. I just know that someone as loud and as open as I am doesn't go unnoticed by people and doesn't go without making some sort of waves or impact. 

       I also know that I am not in much of a position of power at all. Much of my life is under the authority of people that I am not completely aware of their intentions, their resources, and their methods of operating. That's just being realistic. I'm not gonna barricade myself in my room or start buying a weapons arsenal or start looking over my shoulder as I walk to the gas station to buy my grape juice.  I'm pretty harmless. I just want more opportunities and more freedom.

    Aside from my own personal dealings with those "behind the scenes" people and groups, I also know that America has a little bit of a problem with subversive elements within it that undercut liberty and undercut the foundational principles of our society. We've always had this to an extent. Organized crime infringed upon the rights and privileges of working people. Other groups and other organizations and institutions have acted as oppressive and constrictive forces within our country for much of its history.

   Just being frank with you, America has never been completely free of oppressive and subversive elements. We have always had it to an extent, but that's more of a humanity problem. You'll find that everywhere. What I do know is that those subversive and clandestine agencies and groups circumvent authority, escape accountability, and escape consequences to their crimes or misbehavior by their secrecy and their "behind the scenes" approach. It's hard to hold people accountable when they operate in such an insidious, subversive manner.

     The "behind the scenes" approach is the go-to modus apparandi of authoritarian and oppressive factions and groups, and if they are particularly good at it, it can be exceedingly difficult to flush out of a system and hold those people accountable.  The only way evil and oppressive groups of people can succeed is if the darkness of their deception and secrecy is thick enough to drown out the light of justice and truth. Unfortunately, sometimes the thickness of the curtain that cloaks what's "behind the scenes" is too thick for the light of vigilance and justice to penetrate. Sometimes oppressive and wicked plots and schemes succeed because we can't shine a bright enough light in our world.