Reality and an Infinite Foundation

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 Lately I have been having an uneasy feeling in my mind. I don't know if I'd call it an angst, but it is a general discomfort I've been having in my mind the past couple weeks. It's hard to describe, but the best way to describe it is like I'm mentally hovering over an abyss and all that's keeping me from falling is a paperthin sheet of clear plastic.


      Now that may sound more distressing than I actually am right now. I'm (mostly) quite calm and stable. It's more of an unease about reality where I'm questioning reality, and my sanity to an extent, far more than I need to.


       This unease in my mind often leads to a lot of fear and anxiety about the world, and the feeling of standing on a thin and fragile foundation is quite uncomfortable, but I remain calm and relatively controlled even with the feeling. The feeling is one of the biggest incentives for my writing. I document everything.


 I do it to create an "information foundation" in a sense. Even just in spirit or metaphor, writing still creates a sense of a foundation to my thoughts and a more measurable, observable state to what's inside my mind. It helps put a few bricks under that paperthin plastic.


     Of course, what generally helps me cope with this sense of foundationlessness is remembering who I try to serve. In scripture, God is called things like solid rock, a cornerstone, and a sure foundation. 


        I like to think a lot about God's infiniteness and his omnipotence, so I try to conceive of God as an infinite foundation. A foundation that is as bottomless as the abyss but as solid as the strongest substance in existence. A true foundation, one that is unbreakable and indestructable. 


        Standing on His foundation is standing on an infinite and eternal truth, and you never have to fear falling and the structure beneath your feet crumbling. I can rest at ease, knowing that I am safe. 


    I can't always stay in this mentality all the time. I often slip back into the paperthin plastic foundation mindset, but it is comforting knowing in my heart the door is always open to set my feet upon and rest my head on Jesus's infinite foundation if I want to.


    I also trust God for clarity, and the knowledge of his truth, and knowing the truth that I am not as insane as my mind sometimes deceives me into thinking or this fallen world would like me to believe. 


        I also know I will soon permanently rest my head on the infinite foundation of God's love and be liberated from a place that feels like an open prison with no walls to me, or maybe a prison with walls I cannot see.

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