At Least I Try

At least I Try, 

I may have not been successful, but at least I try.

I may be a little resentful, but at least I try.

I may have been beaten down, humiliated, and defeated many times, but at least I try.

I may not have been the most impressive of men, not the strongest, not the fastest, not the toughest, but at least I try. 

When I failed dozens of times, when I stumbled and collapsed under the weight of my distress and anger and disappointment, when I lose friends to the hands of time and distance, when I lose control of my mind, my body, and my words, when I break promises, when I break hearts, when I break down, at least I try.

I try to be kind. It is often the easiest to succeed out of all my endeavors.

I try to be respectful. Sometimes I don't show enough of it to the right people.

I try to be wise, but I am often a fool.

I try to be happy, but my heart is broken too easily.

 I try to be bright, but many times the light is dimmer than I think it is.

I try to be strong, tough, and masculine, but oh! do I often crumble under the pressures of adulthood.

I try to be righteous, I fail every second.

I try to be a Christian, but often wonder if I can live up to this standard

I try to be content, yet I find myself jaded.

I try to be a good friend, a good brother, a good son, a good man, and I may not be perfect, but at least I try.

If I can be remembered by those who know me, I want to be remembered for my effort and my resilience, my attempts and my rises, not my falls and my failures and my forfeits and my folly. I want to be remembered for not giving out, giving in, giving up on my dreams, desires,  and those dear to my heart, to be remembered for not giving in to delusion, doubt, despair, disappointment, disillusionment, disenchantment, distrust, and destruction.

I want to stand before my maker one day, after this long and tumultuous life has concluded, and all my sins, successes, surrenders, sadness, submissions,  my service, and my servitude to selfishness and self-indulgence and the summary of my status as a man and as a servant of the Sanctified and Sacred Spirit, Son, and Father is summarily shown to me, I want to say solemnly as a servant and sorrowful son to this maker that I may not have been perfect, powerful, potent, or pure. I may not have been victorious over every adversary that vexed me and I may have even been victimized by vicious, venomous forces, but I want to say this simple solemn phrase to this maker of mine. It is humble, yet heartfelt, from a hardened heart, yet hope-inspired. All I want to say to him is this;

At least I tried