Loneliness and Imagination

I am a very social person. I talk to everyone, try to treat everyone with respect, and I value company and companionship. I have a lot of friends who put up with my moodiness, shenanigans, loopiness, and quirks, and they treat me well for the most part. 

I know, I can be a little unpredictable, but there is a lot going on in my head all the time and sometimes its hard to manage. I do a much better job than I used to. I love people. I love talking to people. I love learning from them.

I'm social, yes, but discretion isn't something I excel at. I can be a bit much for a lot of people. I know that, but its kind of just who I am. I like to talk and I learn from conversation.

I always try to give the person I'm talking to a fresh and new perspective, and take from their knowledge whatever valuable insight I can.

I have a pretty vivid imagination. Growing up, I liked really big numbers. Billions, trillions, quadrillions, that kind of number.

When I was little, I used to imagine having an Army of "billions" of microscopic warriors that surrounded me and followed me whereever I went. They were my protectors. My heroes. I felt safe when I pictured them being there.

Big numbers honestly make me feel less lonely and isolated, especially when applied to having an uncountable army of tiny warriors following me everywhere.

I guess you can say I had a lot of imaginary friends. A lot, haha. I felt safer and much less lonely picturing countless souls "living" in the objects around my house and in my environment. It was a vibrant, potent imagination. It eradicated loneliness. It conquered the emptiness. If you could fit a trillion "people" in an object the size of a cell phone, than the world becomes a much more full and much more "alive" place to an 8 year old.

As an adult now I know the difference between my internal imagination and the external reality. I use my imagination still, to picture countless angels surrounding me and guarding me like those warriors did as a kid. I feel safer thinking that God's army is protecting me in a similar sense of security as I had when I was a kid.

I actually think angels are looking out for me.

I'm never alone here.

Merry Christmas tomorrow everyone. May God shed upon you all the same grace and protection he shed upon me.